Another day, they make me fucking miserable. All they want me to do, is forget about everything. You want me to forget about everything and everyone, just because you supposedly heard something from someone else? Bull-fucking-shit. Unless you know what I'm going through, you shouldn't be saying shit. You made to the point of fucking committing suicide, so fuck you. When I had depression problems in the past, did you fucking do anything? No. So fuck you. I don't give a fuck about family anymore, I don't give a fuck about friends anymore, with the exception of a few. The only thing I give a fuck about is leaving my fucking house and never talking to you two pieces of shits again. I was held back way too long for this fucking shit. And you fucking messed it up. So fuck you.

why I keep doing this to myself. Sometimes I feel like you don't really love or care for me. I really don't want to think this, but sometimes I just do.


Prove me wrong...I'm begging you...

So last Saturday night I went to the Fight The World Wrestling show in North Bellmore, overall it was a pretty good show.

First match was Spyral vs. Juventud Guerrar...I mean Javi-Air(he looks like him, ha.) It was a really good match, I knew Spyral from CZW and have seen Javi-Air before from other FTW shows, so I like him. Wes Draven interfered for some reason, I guess to set up an angle for the show probably.

Up next they had some kid Evan Couragious confronting the FTW Champion Grim Reefer in the ring, it was kind of weird, him and Jay Lover beat up the kid for some stupid reason until Dan Barry came out, he was like "I think this kid is dead." Ha. He didn't move. Barry challenged Reefer to a match for later, which he accepted but it was a NO-DQ match.

Second match was Earl Cooter vs. Shockwave the Robot. Let me say something before I get into this, Earl Cooter is FUCKING HILARIOUS! At the last show he supposed built him in his garage, and brought it to the show, and fought Balls Mahoney, and Shockwave supposedly helped Balls get the win. And he challenged Shockwave to first a dance off (he was a dancing robot), then a wrestling match. A fan says to Earl "I like your (ripped) pants!" Earl then told the fan. "I like your mom, and your dad, and your brother, and your sister!" A few minutes later he said "You're all gonna pick me for the winner, cheer for me, and if you don't I'm gonna smack the hell out of all of you." Shockwave won, and Earl was like "That's not fair, he's made from aluminum, where I put all of my food in the refrigerator. The match itself was pretty boring except for part where Cooter "turned off" Shockwave, which I thought was a pretty cool spot to be honest, Shockwave won the match too.

The next match was "Big" Jim Sullivan in a gauntlet match against like 10 jobbers, so Sullivan obviously won the match, it wasn't too great technically, but it was somewhat entertaining.

The next match was a tag team match to advance to the finals against The Nigerian Nightmares for the FTW Tag Team titles. I wasn't really paying attention to it because I got some food during the match, so I was eating(out of hunger, not because I didn't want to watch the match. lol. It was All Money Is Legal AKA the Cryme Tyme rip-off vs. The Best Around, who I know from CZW, and the Best Around won the match.

The following match was Dan Barry vs. Grim Reefer for the FTW World title match, really good match. Jay Lover got banned from ringside two seconds into the match. Ha. There was this great spot where Dan Barry jumped off the top rope through several rows of chairs onto Reefer. Reefer retained the title in a really good match.

We had like a half hour intermission.

Next up was Brutus the Barber Beefcake(yeah, you read that right) vs. The Rockstar. The promo building up to it was pretty funny. It was a pretty short match, with Beefcake winning with a big boot from what I remember correctly, after the match Beefcake trimmed the Rockstar's hair.

Next match was Wes Draven vs. Vin Gerard in another really good match. Spryal came out and interfered, giving Wes Draven for the DQ victory. Javi-Air came out after Spyral and it turned into a four man war(not technically, haha).

The main event was next. Lenn Oddity vs. Jay Lover, no holds barred. Before the match officially began, Lenn Oddity and Jay Lover threw all the weapons under the ring into the ring, plus Jay Lover came out with a board full of set mouse traps. Easily my favorite match of the night, really fucking brutal. They used belts, steel chairs, mouse traps, plastic plates, toy chickens, street signs, among other things. During the match, Grim Reefer and Evan Couragious both interfered in the match. Jay Lover won the match, and afterwords continuously punished Lenn Oddity to end the show.

Like I mentioned, really freaking brutal, and a really good show in my opinion, they have pictures up, anyone who wants to see them and I'll link you to them.

Kind of a nice day, my shoot interview with Balls Mahoney came today, I ordered it a few weeks ago along with Sandman and Vampiro shoot interviews. I actually had to return the Balls Mahoney one since the disc was read as a blank disc for some reason. I got my new copy and it works fine. After watching it, if I actually do be a pro wrestler, I see myself as a Balls Mahoney disciple in the ring, especially when I really want to do death matches, except I really don't want to use fire or weed whackers(yes, you read that right, watch any Wifebeater match, preferably form CZW Tournament of Death I).

I went to Leanna's for a little while to watch Family Guy, with her cats, ha. Especially when Monster loves doing flips and other tricks over my shoes which is so cute, lol. On a side note, I don't care what anyone says, I love Leanna more than anything. :D

Work was really slow as usual, I didn't really have much to do, but I don't mind honestly, since I'm still getting paid.

TNA Impact was kind of interesting to say the least, I was kind of tired so I was fading in and out, and still kind of am tired, so yeah. Uhh. What else. I wanted to add something else, but I can't remember, probably because I'm tired. Haha, gimme a break.

According to a report, former WWE star Paul London sent a text message to the promoter of a convention in Newark, CA yesterday that read, "Would it mess up your convention if I no-show this weekend?"

source : ewrestlingnews.com

XD

I'm watching the 12/29/97 edition of Monday Night Raw, I really like this edition, since it was at the Nassau Coliseum, I remember that I was there. I know it was a little more than 11 years ago, but I remember the promo with Goldust being dumped into a port-a-potty by Stone Cold Steve Austin. Haha, I also completely forgot that Chainsaw Charlie AKA Terry Funk made his WWF/E debut there. Uhh. That's it.

Also, my allergies are really fucking bothering me.

I miss you. I also feel almost neglected too, you know who you are. I mean this in the good way, even though it may seem like I don't.

Of my pain is compounded by the nihilism of an uncaring society. The scars of my friends addictions, are one flaw is to see. My scars can't be shown though. They say I have no love, they say I have no compassion in me, but there is. There's love and compassion in one, there always have been, there always will be. <3

You did it again, what about me? Everytime I try and do something, you make an issue out of it. And you act like you don't care about it, everything in my life you do, you take everything from me. WHAT ABOUT ME?

I've had enough of all this "I'm so happy/proud of you" success and lovey dovey bull shit. Let me tell you people something motherfuckers. I have waited too fucking long for something good to happen and other people are having all of this success and everyone keeps fucking sucking up to them, well fuck that since I've had little to no fucking success and no one even fucking cares. I just want to fucking quit since I haven't been having fucking success and I guarentee it that this shit has to fucking stop and it's going to stop right now and all you motherfuckers better fucking understand this because I have fucking had it with all this fucking bullshit.

Man, what the hell is going on? Nothing seems to be working out for the best for the both of us. We both keep fighting with our parents. I literally have to think of some other way just to see you.

And you know what's really making me pissed off and upset? Things are as worse as they seem.



I really want to go back a few months.